The light at the end of the tunnel

The Shat found me a good flight/hotel deal in Chicago for Presidential weekend. First, I thought it was a great deal, $700 less than the tag price. It ended up to be a scam considering the amount of stress I endured during the airport experiment. This is a story of an ascension and descent, from stressed-zero to stressed-out and back to stressed-zero again and what saved it.

Stressed-zero: Got a call from dial7: The driver is outside and waiting.

Mildly stressed :” What terminal is it?” The driver missed the first sign indicating airlines and terminals because he got blind by the sun ahead...Got it right on the second sign.

Medium stressed: The airline desk. Bleeding edge automated service, using touch-screen computer, will print your ticket and checkin your bags in a minute. I'm off the line, way ahead of time, showing my boarding pass to the girl with the revealing sad truth: "Sorry, you'll need a infant pass…”. I am traveling with my 2 months old son. The computer didn’t ask me…Back in line at the airline desk to talk to a human this time.

Heavy Stressed : Going for security check, about to be treated like a Guantanamo-Bay resident. No shoes, no belt, pants down revealing the top of my ass crack...Dumped all my shit in a bin then stepped away...to get immediately yelled at: "Backpack off the bin...Laptop off the case...Push your bin forward...Step back Mother Fucker". I'm shaking like a leaf...Ahead, the bleeding edge new total-recall-like metal detector. I'm not sure what that thing does but it sprayed pressurized air in my face, my ears, my rib and my ass crack...It's so loud, it's inconvenient...I'm off the line, time to get my dignity back, redress and re-belt.

Stressed-out: "Can I open your bag?". I got formula in a bottle but it's a threat because I removed the safety seal from feeding my hungry child earlier. "I'll have to keep your toot pace sir..." Yeah, my mouth will stink-ass and it will be your fault. Maybe Colgate lobbied national security so they can get a few extra sales in airport stores...

Stressed-zero: At the end of the dark tunnel, a light. Something beautiful, shiny and familiar: A Starbucks. Like a record: “Can I get a no-water Tchai tee with soy milk?" A few sip later, back to stressed-zero and forgetful.

In conclusion: The Airport and its latest technology did get me stressed out…But a shinny stars, Starbucks , saved the day and for that, I thank you my friend.

--Leroy